


the cold winter aged the soft of your face and I can't move on (linger on)

by ANNECY



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Friends to Lovers, M/M, but it gets better, it's not all angst, just a fair warning nothing too bad, louis is a bad place for a while, theres a lot of love too, theres one bit of omorashi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-20
Updated: 2015-07-20
Packaged: 2018-04-10 04:43:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4377635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ANNECY/pseuds/ANNECY
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis traced their connection up, up and Harry was already smiling at him. They’re hands clasped together for real now and a nervous tingle ran up his spine. The younger man reached out, turning just slightly to face Louis. He tilted the older male’s face up and leaned in. Louis’ breath hitched, his grip on Harry’s hand tightening involuntarily. Harry smiled gently, leaning closer and Louis stood up on his tiptoes to touch their lips together. </p><p>The kiss was gently, just lips, nothing more. Neither of them moved, just stood locked by their lips. Louis felt Harry’s left hand on his cheek, his thumb touching his jaw and he sigh into the kiss. He gingerly moved his lips over Harry, coaxing him to move his too and Harry let go of his hand to put it on the lower part of his back, pulling him closer. They fit together perfectly and Louis loved the feel of Harry pressed so close.</p><p>+</p><p>louis loves harry very much and harry doesn't really give a fuck. the rest just watch their best friends fall in love</p>
            </blockquote>





	the cold winter aged the soft of your face and I can't move on (linger on)

**Author's Note:**

> milo greene "autumn tree"

 

 _And you're sure that I'd learn_  
I'm pushing through bodies  
Avoiding me and walking 'round you.  
And you're cold and I burn  
I guess I'll never learn

-          _THE 1975, Settle Down_

  
  
Louis blinked his eyes open, his vision slowly getting sharp again. He watched Perrie opposite of him, her light blonde hair pulled up into a ponytail. She smiled at him and Louis smacked his lips dryly. He became aware of a heavy weight of his chest, dark curls tickling his jaw and he eyed the younger man with clouded eyes.  
  
The younger man on his chest groaned in his sleep, pushing closer and tangling their legs. Louis watched him bury his face in his shirt and his arms wrapped around his waist, tightening as if Louis would disappear if he had the chance.

 

“Hey Lou,” Perrie said softly, looking from her phone. Louis focussed back on her, his free hand unconsciously brushed the younger man’s back lightly, comforting.

 

“Hi Pez,” he smiled back, moving just a little to get back in a comfortable position. He cleared his throat. “Where’s Zayn?”

 

“He’s out with Niall and Liam. I’m meeting up with them in a few, d’you and H want to join?” she asked, getting up from her place on the sofa and disappearing into the small hallway. Louis let out a breath, careful not to wake his friend and rolled from underneath him. He stretched, cracking his back and stumbling to follow Perrie to watch her pull on her jacket.

 

“Nah, you go. I’ll send Harry on his way when he wakes up,” Louis said, leaning against the doorway, still feeling drunk on sleep and the warmth of Harry’s body. Perrie eyes him suspiciously and kissed his cheek.

 

“Okay then. Have fun, be safe, yada. You know the drill. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She whirled out the door, leaving Louis to stand in the cold night air that had swept in when she opened the front door of their shared flat. They lived on the third floor with an amazing view over London and the city life that rushed beneath them. He heard Harry groan in the living area and Louis inhaled slowly.

 

“Lou?” Harry said loudly, asking. Louis silently walked back to the sofa where Harry was still laying on his back, his eyes closed, face smooth of any wrinkles or worries and Louis felt his heart swell with love and affection.

 

“Here,” Louis said, smiling when Harry opened one eye and wordlessly opened his arms in invitation. Louis crawled into his embrace and inhaled Harry’s cologne. He smelled like _One Million_ and vanilla and home. Louis loved that about the younger man. He always felt so safe and familiar, that Louis forgot the was terrified of doing things he’d never done before. Harry took him places, made him braver and pushed him to his limits sometimes, but always asking if he was alright.

 

“Time’s it?” Harry mumbled against Louis shoulder, pulling him impossibly closer. His warm breath tickled Louis’ skin, lips ghosting over the spot Harry had breathed over. Louis exhaled silently, relaxing into Harry’s embrace. He reached out towards the coffee table in front of the sofa, grabbing Harry’s iPhone to check the time. Harry groaned.

 

“Almost half past eleven.”

 

Harry shifted just the tiniest bit and Louis felt the younger man’s hips touching the small of his back. He inhaled sharply, tensing up and Harry let him move away. “I should go,” Harry said, sitting up behind Louis and stretching. The bones in his back cracked harshly and Louis winced, standing up and moving towards their makeshift kitchen slash dining room.

 

“Yeah, you should, probably.” Louis busied himself getting a glass of water and walking over to the door of his bedroom. Harry, in the meantime, had pulled on his hoodie and jacket, his curls flying everywhere. Louis felt his heart swell with admiration, but he quickly stomped it down. He smiled when Harry made his way over to him.

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow then? I’ll bring back the car then, yes?”

 

Louis narrowed his eyes. “You’re taking my car?”

 

“If that’s alright? It’s really cold out and it’s a long walk back to campus,” Harry whispered while pulling Louis closer. The older man went willingly, his eyes on the floor. He knew he couldn’t tell Harry no. He let out a sigh.

 

“Fine, but you have to fill it up again.” Louis clenched his jaw when Harry stepped back with a blinding smile, his dimples deepening impossibly so. He ruffled up Louis hair before twirling out the door, letting out a “thanks Lou” and disappearing into the cold air, just like Perrie had. Louis let his head hang, shuffling to his room and falling face-first onto his bed and letting out just a few tears before he fell asleep.

 

*

Louis picked at his burger silently, pulling the salad from between the meat and the top of the bun. Harry was chewing away on his burger and fries like he hadn’t eaten in days. His eyes were focused on his food, occasionally looking up and out of the front window of the car.

 

“How’d you sleep?” Louis asked breaking the heavy silence around them. Harry kept chewing, not looking up.

 

“Not that bad, just not too long. How was lecture t’day?” the younger man asked around a bite of chips. Louis dumped the last of his burger and the salad in the paper bag. Harry glanced at him for a bit, smiling when he caught Louis’ eye.

 

“Yeah, lecture was good. Long and boring, but fine.”

 

“Alright then.”

 

They stayed silent the rest of the time. Harry finished his food, throwing both their paper bags in the bin before driving off towards Louis’ flat. They sat in silence when Harry turned into Louis’ street and when he turned off the engine. Louis already knew what was going to happen. Harry would look at him, ask him if he could use the car again and Louis would tell him it was okay to take the car.

 

Louis leaned back, watching the nightlife around him unfold, while Harry put his hand on his knee. His long, slender fingers were a stark contrast against his dark jeans and thick thighs. The older man felt his heartrate pick up, his hands started shaking wildly. Harry had never given him anything but this, nothing more than just friends. They’d never kissed or hugged. Harry just slept on him, burying into his chest and pulling him closer, closer and almost choking him with his sleep-heavy body.

 

With uncertain motions, Louis tangled their fingers together, his thumb brushing along the back of Harry’s hand. The younger man closed his eyes, leaning his head back and sighing softly. Louis watched him, told himself over and over again he shouldn’t get used to this. He was not going to get attached.

 

“I talked to my mum today. I uh. I told her about all the unpaid bills and she just told me she couldn’t help me. I asked her if she could just lend me a bit of money, just to get everything back on track but. Robin won’t let her. It’s like he brainwashed her,” Harry said quietly, his voice strained with something close to hopelessness. Louis squeezed his hand gently, wanting to pull Harry into a hug and kiss his face.

 

“How much do you need to pay everything?”

 

“Close to a thousand. I just can’t work more than I already do, Lou. I need to sleep and eat somewhere in between, don’t I?” Harry croaked out, slipping his hand from Louis’ and turning on the engine of the car again. Louis tensed up, his back straightening. This was all he was going to get. Harry would never just give him a little bit more. He nodded to himself, unbuckling his seatbelt and opening the passenger door.

 

“Alright then, I’ll see you tomorrow?” Louis asked, getting out of the car and gazing up at Harry with weary eyes. Harry looked over at him, smiling like he hadn’t just talked to Louis about everything he was going through when he wasn’t with the older man.

 

“Yeah, for sure. I’ll make sure the car’s filled up again so you’re good to drive up to Donny tomorrow, yeah?”

 

“Please,” Louis smiled, nodding. “Look, I was going to tell you this sooner, but. A friend of my mum asked me to come to France, watch their house and the cat. She thought maybe you’d want to come with me.”

 

Harry turned to look at him then, smiling. “Really? That. I’d like that, yeah, of course. It’ll be fun,” Harry answered. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow, yeah?”

 

Louis nodded again, stepping out of the car. He inhaled sharply, closing the car door and tapping his fingers on the glass, letting go of the car when Harry started to drive away. Louis watched him disappear into the night and shivered when he couldn’t see him anymore. He jogged over to the apartment building, shouldering inside and running up the six flights of stairs.

 

He was panting when he finally stumbles into the flat, throwing his keys on the small table next to the door. He kicked of his worn Vans and walked into the small kitchen. The lights in the living room were on and Louis could hear the telly playing SYTYCD. The rest of the flat was silent and Louis smiled softly. He picked a bottle of water out of the fridge and continued his way towards the living room.

 

“Hey Lou, how was your date?”

 

Louis narrowed his eyes at his flatmate, sticking out his tongue. “It wasn’t a date, Pez, you know that.”

 

“Are you sure though?” Zayn butted in, opening his eyes from his place on the sofa, where he’d buried into Perrie’s side. Louis flicked his eyes over to him, rolling his eyes.

 

“We’re not dating, Harry and I. We’re never going to date and I’m sure I won’t even talk to him in a year or something. He’ll just be someone I used to know,” Louis spat out, sitting down opposite of his two friends. Perrie got up from her place next to her boyfriend, letting him fall on his side with a whine. Louis flinched away from Perrie when she sat down next to him.

 

“Hey, I’m sorry, okay? I just thought, with you two always being together and doing stuff, like. You go on date’s, right? And he sleeps in your bed,” Perrie mentioned while pulling Louis over to her, turning him to look at her.

 

“He doesn’t – ” Louis started, but lowered his gaze. “They’re not dates. We haven’t kissed, we haven’t slept together. I’ve never seen him naked. We’re just. He’s a good friend right now, that’s all.”

 

“Are you sure that’s all there is though, for you?”

 

“That’s all. Good friends, nothing more,” Louis whispered. He felt tears prickle his eyes and closed them harshly. His own body was betraying him and he hated it. He felt his heart sink lower and lower, his stomach clenched.

 

“Alright, I believe you. Are you okay though?” Perrie asked again and Louis nodded quickly. He pushed away from her.

 

“I’m fine, just tired. I’m going to bed, see you tomorrow.”

 

Without looking back at his friends, not wanting to see the pity in Perrie’s eyes or the confusion in Zayn’s, he almost sprinted to his room. He let the door close with a loud slap, curling up on his bed with tears falling down his face. His heart felt so heavy and his limbs felt numb with misery. He knew him and Harry were just friends, even though they always joked about it. There was just no way Harry would want him. Louis was too shy and he didn’t like being around too many people.

 

Louis was kind of scared of what people thought of him, it was not like he didn’t have friends though. He had lots of friends, they just never got close enough to actually _know_ him. They knew him well enough, he talked about his mum and sister, about his childhood and the way he liked to just sit at home and not go out. They accepted that, stopped asking him out after the fourth time he declined. He was fine with that, liked that they knew him well enough to not pressure him into anything. If they did and he chickened out, they just walked him home and told him they’d see him the next day. It was good, Louis felt like he belonged, even though it wasn’t really ideal.

 

And then Harry came along. He’d met Harry in his first year of Uni, the lad had  walked into him and spilling his indie chai tea all over Louis’ favourite jeans. Louis had yelled at him, because he’d been in such a hurry. He’d been late to his creative writing lecture and that was going to be the second time that week. Harry had apologized profusely and handed him a few napkins to try and dry his jeans. Louis huffed, took the napkins and sprinted away without another word.

 

Almost a year later, he bumped into Harry again, but then on the one night Perrie, Zayn and Stan had convinced him to go out with them. He’d recognized Harry immediately, laughing when realisation dawned upon Harry’s handsome features. He’d laughed, then handed Louis a drink and took him by his hand, leading him to the dancefloor. Louis never had so much fun in his life.

 

Now, two years later, Louis was in his last year of Uni, while Harry still had a year to go and Harry was working three jobs to pay for his tuitions. Louis tried to help him as much as he could, but somewhere along the line, he’d slowly started to fall in love, he thought. His heart would jump when Harry smiled at him, he craved Harry’s gentle touches and when the younger man would fall asleep on his chest, he savoured those precious moments.

 

Harry was everything good in the world, at least, that’s what Louis thought. Of course Harry was not perfect, he was not an actual angel, but he was close. He’d lost his dad when he was 5, his mum had just remarried the year before he started Uni and he still didn’t like the man, Robin. Harry would talk about him sometimes, tell Louis how the man had changed his mum into someone he didn’t recognize anymore.

 

Louis sat up on his bed, scrubbing his hands over his face and picking up his phone. The screen lit up with a text message from Harry and his heart felt a little lighter, suddenly.

 

 _had fun tonight . i’ll see you tmorrow xx_  
  
Louis smiled, fresh tears burning in his eyes.

 

_g’night Haz x_

*

 

Harry smiled when Liam walked up to him, his curls swaying in the light breeze. Even though in was mid-November, the sun was shining bright, casting a great light over the city of London. Liam had shaved his head just two months prior and his hair finally started to grow longer again. Harry liked that.

 

“Hey,” Liam said, taking Harry’s hand and pulling him into a hug. Harry went willingly, taking in his warmth and his smell. He really liked Liam, he made him feel safe and cared for. Just like Louis.

 

“Hi,” Harry answered, smiling up at him and breaking out of the embrace.

 

“So, how are you? Haven’t seen you in a while. Where’d you run off to then?” Liam joked, leading the way towards their coffee shop. Harry followed him inside, shrugging off his coat and hanging it over a free chair.

 

“Just been busy. Been hanging out with Louis a lot, he’s nice.”  
  
“Just nice then?” Liam asked, standing up to get their order. Tea for Harry and a hot chocolate with caramel for himself. Harry rolled his eyes, waving him off. Of course Louis was nice, he was a great friend. Harry didn’t know if they’d crossed the line between nice and fucking great half the time. Louis let him use his car and was his pillow on most of their meetings. They weren’t dates, not that he knew off. Maybe Louis thought they were though. Harry didn’t know, looking up when Liam approached him again.

 

“Yeah, I guess so. Why?”

 

“Well, you almost live in each other’s pockets. Does he know it’s just ‘nice’?” Liam asked while handing Harry his tea, with two packets of sugar and a small plastic spoon. Harry thanked him quietly and focused on his tea for a bit, as Liam blew on his hot chocolate.

 

“I think so, yeah. Just, I like him enough, that’s not it. I just don’t want him to think it’ll ever be more, you know? Because, that’s never going to happen,” Harry said, not looking at Liam. The other man let out a weird noise, kicking Harry’s shin gently. Harry frowned, kicking Liam back.

 

“Haz, look,” Liam whispered lowly, nodding at the entrance of the coffee shop. Harry whirled around so fast his neck cracked. Louis stepped inside just as Harry turned around, their eyes catching and locking for a moment too long. Harry felt his heart drop to his stomach and watched Louis’ face fall when he noticed Liam. That made Harry turn back to face Liam, steadfastly ignoring Louis and staying silent.

 

He watched Liam open his mouth, probably to call Louis over to them, but Harry stepped Liam’s toe hard enough for him to let out a whine. “What the fuck Haz?” Liam hissed at him, leaning down to inspect his foot.

 

Harry said a quiet ‘sorry’ before turning just enough to watch Louis hurry out the door and down the street, probably towards his next lecture. Harry let out a heavy sigh, letting his head fall on the small table. He didn’t know what happened just now, but he did know Louis was getting too close for comfort. Harry didn’t like that.

 

*

 

“Hey Pez! I’ve brought pizza! Is Zayn coming over tonight?” Louis yelled trough their flat, kicking off his shoes and balancing the pizza’s on one hand, shrugging off his coat and dropping his keys on their usual spot. He heard the sound of the telly getting softer and the man in question appeared in the doorway. He laughed at Louis, before jumping in to take over the pizza’s.

 

“Hey Lou. Pez is still at work, she’s going out with Jade and El after, so it’s just me. Thought we could talk for a bit yeah?” Zayn said, walking into the kitchen and leaving Louis to fight off his coat. Louis followed him smoothly, walking over to get something to drink first.

 

“Want some?” Louis asked Zayn, holding up two bottles of beer without looking up at Zayn. The other male made an affirmative sound and Louis picked up the garlic sauce too. When he turned around and let the door of the fridge fall shut, Zayn had already cut the pizza’s and sat down at the kitchen table. Louis joined him, handing over one of the beers and taking a gulp of his own.

 

They sat in silence for a while, eating in peace and finishing another bottle of beer each. Zayn watched him sometimes, but Louis ignored it, his mind wandering off. He thought about the incident at the coffee shop a few days ago. He swore Harry had seen him, they’d made eye contact, hadn’t they? Harry had just bluntly pretended he wasn’t there. Liam had caught his full attention after that.

 

“So, how’s Harry?”

 

Louis coughed out his last bite of pizza at that. He hadn’t talked about Harry with anyone in days. “I don’t know,” Louis answered truthfully. Zayn raised one perfectly sculptured eyebrow.

 

“You haven’t talked to him?”

 

“Not for a few days. He must be busy with Liam, ‘s my guess,” Louis said bitterly and cursing himself. He promised himself he would be sad about this. He knew Harry only befriended him because he had a nice car and money from his mum. Harry would leave him eventually, when he’d find better friends. It was fine, Louis was fine. 

 

“Has he been with Liam then, this past week?” Zayn countered, getting up to clean off the table. Louis handed him his empty pizza box and drank the rest of his beer. Louis exhaled on a sigh and told Zayn what had happened at the coffee shop and that Harry hadn’t answered any of his texts for day, which was not abnormal, that happened more often than not, but. Louis felt like something was off. He’d run into Liam and his friend Niall a few times, they’d seem to know about Harry’s whereabouts. Louis figured the younger man still talked to them, because Liam was texting the whole time Louis talked to Niall, while the blond Irish lad smirked knowingly at Louis.

 

“I figure, yeah. Ran into him and Niall two days ago. The Irish one kept smirking at me, it was weird. ‘s Not really a problem though, Harry had his own friends, he’s free to do whatever he want. If that’s not me anymore, then fine.”

 

Zayn threw out the empty beer bottles and sat down again. “How can you be fine with that? He’s using you,” Zayn said, his voice rising with surprise. Louis just shrugged.

 

“Figured early on that, that was all it was about. He likes the car, likes that he can make me do almost everything he wants and he know I can’t really say no to him. He’s real good at reading people.”

 

“Louis, that’s not – ”

 

“I know that, it’s just. It is what it is, right?” Louis laughed quietly. His phone vibrated on the table and both the man looked at in without a thought. Zayn glanced up at Louis, his eyes shining with wonder and maybe a bit of uneasy. Louis’ hand was shaking when he finally touched the phone. The screen lit up with Harry’s name.

 

_hey lou, can we talk ?? i need a bit of a distraction, my mum called. Cant tell you via text , just, please?_

Louis exhaled on a surprised noise and showed Zayn the text. “I uh. I should go get him. I’ll see you later, okay? Maybe we can go out tomorrow, just me, you, Pez, maybe El and Jade too? It’ll be fun,” Louis said, hurrying to get on his coat and shoes. His heart was beating wildly, his whole body filled with a numbing kind of worry. He knew Harry wouldn’t do anything stupid, just. Maybe Harry would though, he didn’t really know him all that well.

 

“Lou, please, be careful okay? I don’t want you getting hurt,” Zayn said, moving after Louis into the hallway. At that, Louis looked up, scowling.

 

“What? I’m just driving up to campus Zayn.”

 

“That’s not what I meant, Lou,” Zayn mumbled with his eyes closed. He looked like he was in pain. Louis’ heart thumped a fraction slower. Zayn was worried about him, about his feelings. That was a new. Louis never had friends like that, who worried about him.

 

“Alright, fine, but I’m not going to get hurt. I’m not attached to him, he’s nothing more to me than I am to him. It’s fine, Zayn, don’t worry,” Louis answered, running out the door in a whirlwind of numb limbs and erratic heartbeats.

 

*

 

Louis had gotten out of the car, handed Harry the keys and took his place on the passenger seat. Harry started the car, turned off the radio and turned the car onto the main road. Louis watched the city turn into the motorway, the motorway turned into a small village and then the car stopped. Harry parked the car, turned off the engine and got out.

 

Louis watched him walk away from the Range Rover he was still sitting in and tried to calm his breathing. He managed to move his hands, pushing open the car door and climbing out. He stumbled a bit, letting the door close behind him. He still felt numb, not knowing what was going on with Harry. He worried, alright.

 

“Haz, wait! Where are you going?” he yelled after his friend. Harry straightened his back, raked a hand through his curls and turned to look at Louis.

 

“I need to just be away from London for a bit. Come walk with me.” His voice was soft, the complete opposite of what he looked like. His eyes were wild with emotion, something Louis couldn’t place, not even when he got closer to his friend. His jaw clenched, shoulders tensing and hands balling into fists.

 

“I got that, yeah,” Louis said with a roll of his eyes, falling into step with Harry. “Did you lock the car?”

 

Harry held up his hand, clicking the car keys. Louis heard the doors lock and looked up at Harry. The younger man took a turn, almost running away from Louis. “Louis, come on. Please,” Harry begged, taking a hold of Louis wrist, going left, right, turning and Louis felt like they were walking in circles, until Harry just stopped. He staggered a bit, falling down on an old bench in a park and he curled up into himself.

 

Louis watched him shrink away, he’d never seen Harry like this. Harry was always confident, big words and dimpled smiles. Now he was small and sad, not looking at Louis and chewing his lower lip. His green eyes were clouded over with tears.

 

“Mum called, told me she’d been with grandma. She uh, she’s been ill for a long time, I knew that. But she’s dying now. Really dying and – I don’t know what to do,” Harry whispered, his voice cracked. He sounded defeated, drained and so very sad. Louis knew about his grandma. Harry had told him before, told him she’d cancer and they were just treating her to keep her alive, but it wouldn’t work forever.

 

“Maybe you should go see her, then?” Louis offered, “I can come with you if you’d like. Take my car and drive up to Cheshire.”

 

Harry didn’t look at him, kept his eyes glued to the floor for a long time. Louis almost thought he’d fallen asleep, but then he glanced up. His green eyes clear from any emotion, his lips stretched into a small smile and he relaxed again. The change in his face was eminent. There was no sign of him being so upset as he had been a mere five minutes ago.

 

“Yeah, whatever. Don’t think that’s necessary. Thanks for the offer though.”

 

Louis felt like he’d been punched in his stomach. Harry was pretending not to give a single fuck. His grandma was dying, his mum wouldn’t help him pay for his study and he was working three jobs. His dad had died and that was something he was still grieving over, even though that had been fifteen years ago. Louis felt sick.

 

“What the fuck Harry? Why do you always do that?” Louis snarled, tilting Harry chin so that the younger man was looking at him. Harry looked at him then, seriously looked at him. “You always shut me out, never talk about something I want to talk about, never talk about yourself. Remember you said we’d talk about that holiday to France, yeah? Well, we never talked about that, did we?”

 

Harry clenched his jaw, his green eyes burning with hostility Louis had never seen in the younger man’s eyes before. “Do what, Louis? Not talk to you about my feelings? I don’t have feelings Louis. I don’t really care. And you once said we wouldn’t be talking to each other in a year time, didn’t you?” Harry positively barked at him.

  
“How can you not care, Harry?” Louis choked out, searching his face. He cowered back form Harry, terrified of his friend. Suddenly he felt so tired, he didn’t want to talk to Harry anymore. Harry was just so exhausting. Harry made him feel loved and safe one minute, but now. Now Harry was scaring him, hurting him more than he would if he’d just slapped him.

 

“I stopped caring a long time ago. And something happened to you too, to make you so scared of people. Wesley did something to you, but you won’t tell me what it is either, so just. I’ll drive you back to London, get in.”

 

And without another word on the matter, Harry drove them back to London. He parked the car in Louis’ spot, got out, handed Louis the keys and walked away. Louis watched him disappear before going up to his flat. He felt dejected, hurt and his whole body was shaking with sobs. He was in love with him and Harry always made sure to keep him far, far away.  
  
*  
  
_hey Lou, can we meet up? i need some help writing my English essay …_

“Who’s that?” Eleanor asked, looking over his shoulder. They were halfway through their literature lecture and the professor was rattling on about William Shakespear and Louis didn’t even know why they were talking about him.

 

Eleanor scoffed next to him, when she’d read the text.

 

“What should I tell him?” Louis asked not louder than a whisper. He was confused. He hadn’t heard form Harry in three weeks, had only seen him in flashes. Eleanor plucked his phone out of his hands and started typing away. Louis glanced over at her, his hands tingling with the want to stop her texting.

 

“Here,” she whispered, nudging him. He took back the phone and read the message with a snort. He pressed sent, not holding his breath for an answer.

 

_Ask liam to help you, seems like he’s got your attention already_

He got his answer half an hour later, while he walked behind Eleanor out of the great hall.

 

_Whats that supposed to mean_

Louis rolled his eyes and turned off his phone, not bothering anymore. Harry could drop dead for all he cared.

 

 _??_  
  
He got that message from Harry a rough ten hours later and Louis cried himself to sleep that night.

 

*

 

“Why are you so mad at him Lou?” Zayn ask a few weeks later over dinner. Perrie was seated next to him, scooping up a spoonful of rice. She nodded along to Zayn when he opened his mouth.

 

“I’m not, I’m just done with being used. He just talks to me when he needs something and I’m done, okay?” Louis answered, pushing away his half eaten food. Perrie kicked him under the table to get his attention.

 

“He really like you fine Lou, he’s different when he’s without you. He even told Zayn he’d rather do you than Liam, didn’t he?” she directed her question at Zayn, who snorted into his glass of water.

 

“He did though, yeah. He’s really into you Lou and he misses you. He doesn’t understand. Maybe you should just talk to him, explain how you feel,” Zayn offered, popping a piece of chicken in his mouth. Louis rolled his eyes. He’d been there, done that, hadn’t worked. Harry just got all defensive and Louis didn’t handle confrontation well.

 

“I told him I didn’t like the way he treated me, even asked him about Liam, but he just. He shuts me out, gets all defensive and we fight. It’s better like this,” Louis said quietly and that was their cue to stop talking about it. His friend really were the best he could have.

  
***  
  
Harry rolled out of bed, his head fuzzy with sleep and the aftermath of his drunken night. He’d drunk so much, tried so hard to forget, but he couldn’t get him out of his head. He’d clung to Liam the whole night, kissed his neck, his cheeks and his lips. Harry had run his hands through Liam’s grown out hair, tugged his head back and kissed him for a long time. Kissed Liam until they were both high of off it, grinding against each other and coming in their pants.

 

The room around him felt cold, colder than normal and he almost threw up right then and there when he looked back. Liam was in his bed, sleeping. His chest was littered with love bites, his face peaceful and his chest rising and falling in time with the way his lashed brushed his cheekbones.

 

Harry ran out of his room, hiding in the bathroom the rest of the day, alternating between throwing up and slipping in and out of consciousness.

 

*

 

“Hi Lou!” Niall yelled over the roaring crowd. Louis laughed and waved at him. He tugged Perrie’s hand, pulling her over to the group in the corner. Zayn was already there, getting up to kiss Perrie gently on the lips. Eleanor was sat cuddled up to Niall, her fragile hand on his chest, even though the Irish lad was screaming and laughing. Louis caught Liam looking at him, his brown eyes fixed on Louis’ face. Next to Liam was Stan, who waved Louis over.

 

“Hey you guys,” he said to the group, sliding into his place next to Stan and taking the beer from his friend. He smiled gratefully and downed the glass in one go. Stan patted him on the back and Niall chanted his name. Louis smiled bashfully and looked down at the table. He felt uncomfortable, a nervous, nauseating feeling in his stomach.

 

Around him the night whirled on, talking and dancing, lots and lots of drinking and then he felt a hand on his arm. He turned to look, waited until his vision focused again and smiled brightly at Liam.

 

“Hey you!” he crowed, pulling Liam closer and letting him spin two, three, four times. Liam collapsed in a fit of giggles and tugged Louis back to their table. Zayn was sat there, sipping his Jack Daniels. He smiled faintly at them.

 

“Lou, Louis, I need to ask you something,” Liam blurted out, his words slurred just the tiniest bit. Louis fixed his eyes on Liam, nodding at him. He wasn’t drunk, not even close, but the alcohol burned in his veins, making him brave.

 

“Yeah, what’s up?”

 

“You and Harry, what’s going on with you two? Did you like. Are you together or were you? I mean. I like him, I really like him, so. But if you two are together then, you know. Or were. If you don’t want me with him then you should tell me. I don’t know about you and him, Louis,” Liam said, his eyes sad and tired. Louis blinked, because what?

 

“I haven’t. I’m not. Harry and I – We’ve never been together like that, we never like, had sex or even kissed. We were just friends.” Louis told him the truth, lying was not an option. Why lie about it, lying wouldn’t change the truth.

 

“Never?” Liam choked out.

 

“Never,” Louis confirmed. He was done with this conversation, didn’t want to talk anymore. He wanted to leave, go home and sleep. He wanted to cry and eat ice cream, tell his mum and cuddle in her arms. He missed his mum.

 

“Wait Louis,” Liam scrambled to get up too, taking Louis’ wrist. “I uh – I had sex with him. I just. I didn’t know then, that you two were not like together. I didn’t know, but I wanted you to know this. I really, really like him, but. I think the sex was just a drunken mistake for him. It wasn’t for me though. I just want to know what you’d do. Should I tell him? That I like him, I mean? Does he maybe, like. Is he capable of liking me too, you think? Lou? Louis!” Liam had been rambling and Louis felt terrified. He didn’t want to hear Liam’s words anymore. He didn’t want to hear any words anymore. He tugged himself free, blocked out all the voices, all his friends calling his name.

 

He had to get away.

 

*

 

Live goes on, as they say. Louis went to his lectures, studied with Eleanor and Perrie, went out for drinks with Zayn and Niall, sometimes Liam too, but never Harry. Whenever Harry showed up somewhere, Zayn made sure to leave or keep him away from Louis.

 

His finals crept closer and closer and he practically lived in the library from March through May and when his last exam was done, he drove up to Doncaster with Zayn, Perrie and Eleanor to celebrate their last day of Uni.

 

He graduated a month later and didn’t hear from Harry at all.

 

Lives goes on.

 

*

 

Eight months after the last day he’d seen Harry and Louis’ heart had healed. The scars were there, but they didn’t hurt anymore. He hadn’t talked _to_ Harry in eight months, hadn’t talked _about_ him either.

 

He was on his way to France now, he’d just gotten off the boat and was driving on the A2 just past Utrecht. He was tired, his bones aching, but he wanted to get to Metz before the evening and he still had a little over three hours to go.

 

*

 

With tired eyes and a numb body, he almost fell into the flat. The key dropped to the floor and he closed the door behind him. He found a note on the coffee table in the living room. The note told him the beds were all ready to sleep in, the cat needed to be fed twice a day, the plants needed to be watered and so on and so on. Louis blinked sleepily, staggered to the bedroom and fell asleep before he was fully undressed.

 

*

 

He spent his days outside, in the park. He got a tan, fed the cat, cleaned the house, went shopping and started working out again. The sun was burning his skin right now, making him sweat. His hair plastered to his forehead and his mouth was dry with dust. It was still early, nobody really awake just yet.

 

After his morning run, he lay on the grass in the park, soaked up as much sun as he could and felt his muscle relax slowly. And that’s how he spend his first five days.

 

*

 

And after five days, Louis felt like he was going batshit crazy. His days were endless, he missed his friends (even though they talked everyday) and on the sixth day of his stay, his mind wandered off to the one person he hadn’t thought about for a long time.

 

Harry suddenly seemed to be everywhere. Every film he watched, every song he heard and even when he went out to get something to eat, he’d thought that ‘maybe Harry would like this too’. And it was fucking awful.

 

Louis cried himself to sleep in the middle of the day on day seven.

 

*

 

Day eight and nine weren’t much better and on day ten even his friends stopped talking to him. That’s when he thought to call his mum.

 

He cried to her on the phone, his body shaking with sobs and his heart hurt. His mum tried to calm him down, but he couldn’t stop crying. He missed Harry so much, thought about the night he told the younger man about the holiday. He’d watched so many couple on the street for days and he knew he’d never have that. The realisation made him cry harder. His mum sounded defeated when he told her he was going to hang up.

 

“Hey, Lou? I love you, baby. I can come and visit you if you want?” she said before he had a chance to end the call. That only made him cry harder.

 

“Not, that’s alright mum. You have the girls to care for. I’ll be fine, I love you too,” he whispered, his voice hoarse with tears and he could hear the smile in his mums voice when she told him she’d talk to him later.

 

*

 

He send Zayn a text the next day.

 

_i miss harry_

He didn’t get an answer and ran until he couldn’t stand up straight and threw up in the bushes.

 

*

 

A knock on the door woke Louis up. It had him sitting up straight in bed, his thoughts hazy and what the fuck? It was half past seven in the morning. He literally let himself fall out of the bed and stumbled into the hallway, running into the open bathroom door.

 

“Fuck,” he groaned, turning on the light in the hall and the knocking was still going on. He blindly opened the door and blinked. He wanted to curse the person at the door, but. He staggered back and slammed the door closed again. His breathing came out in wrecked bursts of air.

 

The knocking started up again. “Louis, please open the door! Please,” the voice carried through the door and Louis squeaked embarrassingly.

 

He calmed himself down as much as he could before opening the door again. Harry was staring at him, his eyes shy and hands clasped in front of him. He looked young and tired. Louis didn’t know what to do, he was concentrating on breathing and Harry was watching him.

 

“What are you doing here?” Louis asked, his voice high and insecure. He suddenly remembered he’d just gotten out of bed, wearing nothing but his boxers and he felt naked. Harry still hadn’t said anything and Louis grew nervous.

 

“I missed you.”

 

“You missed me. After eight months, you’re here to tell me you missed me?”

 

Harry had the decency to look away then. “I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t think there was anything between us. I mean, we had fun right? And you never said anything. You just. I thought we were just friends and then Zayn cornered me, told me how you felt and – ”

 

“Wait, what? Zayn told you what? I never told Zayn anything. That’s just. He made that up!” Louis snapped and watched Harry recoil at that, like he’d been slapped.

 

“Did he really Lou?” Harry whispered, voice empty and hollow. Louis wanted to jump off a cliff. Harry looked really small, insecure. It didn’t fit him. Not at all. He almost felt bad for the younger man.

 

“You know what, come on in, make yourself at home. I’m going back to bed, I’ll think about this when I’m more alert,” Louis said on a sigh, stepping aside to let Harry inside. The younger man stepped inside, dropped his bag next to the door and hunched his shoulders. Louis considered telling him where everything was, but decided against it. He turned on his heel, strutting toward the bedroom.

 

He sneaked a glance back around the corner and looked at Harry. He looked small, his toes turned inward. He looked like a baby giraffe who’d just learned how to walk. Louis felt his heart plummet to the ground. He closed his eyes, walked into the bedroom and curled up in bed.

 

*

 

A soft knock on the door made Louis look up from his phone, he’d texted Zayn to ask him about Harry. Zayn had gradually confessed he’d told Harry Louis felt at least something for the younger man. Louis had cried for an hour.

 

“Yeah?” Louis croaked, clearing his throat after. Harry’s head peeked into the room, eyes searching Louis’ face.

 

“I made breakfast,” he said softly, stepping into the room. He’d changed his cloths. He was wearing a pair of white shorts and a dark blue, short sleeved polo. His curls were pushed back with some kind of headband and Louis swallowed dryly.

 

“Yeah, I uh. I’ll join you in a few, yes?”

 

“Okay,” Harry smiled, left the door open and Louis followed him a few minutes later.

 

The table was set with two plates, two knives, two mugs of steaming hot tea and a basket of, what smelled like, fresh bread. Both the plates were filled with strawberries, raspberries and blueberries. Next to the fruit lay a fresh croissant and Jus d’Orange. Louis walked over to the table with astonishment.

 

“You did all this in just two hours?” Louis asked in wonder. He didn’t hear Harry walk up to him, but felt his warm hand on his lower back. The warmth spread all over his body and he glanced up at Harry.

 

“I did. Thought it was a good start to apologize.” Harry led him closer, pulled back his chair and Louis sat down slowly. There was so much food and he didn’t know where to start.

 

“Thank you,” he said quietly. Reaching out to pick up the croissant. Harry smiled shyly, sitting down opposite of Louis and they ate in silence for a while. When most of the fruit, the croissant and a few pieces of bread were eaten, Harry picked up his mug of tea, blowing gently and taking a sip. Louis followed the motion with interest and realized he still remembered how Harry held his mug, pursed his lips and licked them after. It was all still too familiar.

 

“Was it alright?”

 

Louis nodded gently. “It was more than alright,” he answered and after a beat, he added, “and Zayn was right. About me having had feelings for you. Well, they’re still there, just. I was doing really well, not talking or thinking about you.”

 

Harry seemed to crumble at that, sitting back in his chair. “Is that why you stopped talking to me then?”

 

“Not really. But that was part of it.”

 

“Well, why then? Did I do something?” Harry asked, slowly starting to come back to himself. He started closing off again and Louis saw his eyes flicker between his own.

 

“You just seemed to like Liam a lot more and he told me he was practically in love with you. Liam had a better car,” Louis whispered, embarrassed.

 

Harry snorted out a surprised laugh. “What? You thought this was about the car?”

 

“Well, that too,” he admitted, not daring to look at Harry.

 

“It was not about the car Lou, not even a little bit. I guess it just took me a while to understand what was going on. I was terrified of changing us if we ever like, got together. And I told you about me and my ex-boyfriend. It didn’t end well, none of my relationships do actually,” Harry added as an afterthought. Louis pressed his lips together and touched Harry’s shin with his foot gently. Harry smiled up at him.

 

“When Zayn told me about you, Niall found me getting drunk off my face that night and told me that maybe I had feelings for you too. I just didn’t really know what kind of feelings.”

 

Louis glanced at Harry, who’d pressed his foot back against Louis shin. “So, do you know what you feel now?”

 

“Almost,” Harry whispered truthfully and Louis was okay with that. He really, really was. For now.

 

*

 

Harry looked fucking fit when they walked around the city the next day. They’d spent the day before cuddling on the sofa, watching films and series on Netflix. Harry had kissed Louis’ cheek every few minutes and Louis felt safe and cared for again. He couldn’t keep the smile of his face the rest of the day. After that. They’d fallen asleep on that same sofa, only for Louis to wake up the next morning in bed, with Harry’s warm, lean body plastered to his back.

 

They’d both taken a shower, gotten dressed and went on their way. The ate at a small restaurant on one of the many squares. Harry payed for breakfast, just like he’d done the day before and Louis had felt Harry’s hand brush his more than once.

 

“So, I thought we could eat out tonight and maybe go and see the fireworks after?” Harry suggested after lunch. They were walking through a long street with more shops than Louis could count and they were weaving in and out of stores.

 

“Yeah, sounds like a plan,” Louis answered distractedly, his eyes falling on a jacket in one of the display’s. Harry followed his line of sight and whistled under his breath. Louis smirked, looking up at his friend. “Can we go in and see if it suits you?”

 

“What? No, you should put it on, it’s more you than me,” Harry said with a laugh, tugging Louis inside the shop. He pulled Louis through the whole store, searching for the jacket and finding in in the back of the shop. He held it up for Louis and the older male laughed delightedly.

 

“Okay, fine, but after, promised you’ll try it on too, okay?”

 

“Promise,” Harry said, his eyes shining with what Louis recognized as admiration.

 

As it turned out, the jacket looked way better on Harry and Louis bought it for him, handing him the bag and kissed his cheek after. Harry blushed a lovely shade of red and pulled Louis with him out of the shop.

 

The rest of the day was spent lazing around the city, in the park and bag at the flat, before they went out to dinner. Louis had the most amazing time, playing footsie under the table and touching Harry’s fingers every now and then. Harry was positively glowing.

 

*

 

“How far do we have to walk?” Louis complained, watching thousands of people walk in the same direction as him. Everyone was on their way to see the fireworks. Harry linked their pinkies together and smiled down at him, squeezing Louis finger with his.

 

“Just a few minutes, I’m sure.”

 

Louis sighed dejectedly, but didn’t complain any further. They walked on slowly, Louis felt lighter than ever. Harry was touching him, just like he used to. They were falling back into the same pattern as the one that brought them so close. Louis loved Harry with all his heart, but still felt hesitant for letting Harry get that close again. It was just too easy and Harry was just too pretty.

 

After another ten minutes, Harry led him to a spot close to the water, that way they could see everything and Louis followed him easily. They sat down on the grass, Harry making sure Louis was sat between his legs, his back against his chest and his arms wrapped around his waist.  Louis leaned back, resting his head on Harry’s shoulder. Harry nosed at his neck, kissing the showing skin and Louis’ heart felt a ten times lighter.

 

With tangled fingers they waited until the music started, blue and green lights reflecting on the water. Harry pressed him closer and when the first fireworks lit up the sky, he pushed Louis away a bit to get to his feet. He hauled Louis up with him and pulled him towards the water. Louis watched the sky with big eyes, not really knowing where else to look. He felt Harry’s hand brush his own and looked down. Harry had stepped closer to him, arms touching from shoulder to wrist and Harry’s fingers reached out, closing around Louis’.

 

Louis traced their connection up, up and Harry was already smiling at him. They’re hands clasped together for real now and a nervous tingle ran up his spine. The younger man reached out, turning just slightly to face Louis. He tilted the older male’s face up and leaned in. Louis’ breath hitched, his grip on Harry’s hand tightening involuntarily. Harry smiled gently, leaning closer and Louis stood up on his tiptoes to touch their lips together.

 

The kiss was gently, just lips, nothing more. Neither of them moved, just stood locked by their lips. Louis felt Harry’s left hand on his cheek, his thumb touching his jaw and he sigh into the kiss. He gingerly moved his lips over Harry, coaxing him to move his too and Harry let go of his hand to put it on the lower part of his back, pulling him closer. They fit together perfectly and Louis loved the feel of Harry pressed so close.

 

Louis didn’t know how long the kiss lasted, but the fireworks died out slowly, people started talking again, the music fading. A zap of fear flashed behind Louis’ eyes, making him flinch back for Harry. The younger man frowned at the loss of contact, opening his eyes, blinking slowly.

 

“Lou, I’m sorry,” he breathed, reaching out for his friend, but Louis shook his head. People around them were staring, murmuring in French, probably calling them names. Harry heard them too, he had to be hearing them too, but he didn’t look like he cared. Louis cared though. Without another thought, he whirled around and walked away.

 

            -  
  
“Lou, wait! Louis, hold on, wait just a second!” Harry yelled after him, but Louis was panicking. Red hot anger flared up in him, Harry knew he couldn’t handle this, he knew Louis got scared out of his mind about this. Louis had told Harry about his ex-boyfriend, Wesley, how he had made Louis so insecure about himself and how to carry himself. Harry knew, but didn’t care.

 

“Leave me alone!” Louis screamed, when someone grabbed his wrist and yanked him back. Harry was stronger than him, just pulled him right back into his chest and held him so tight. Louis could feel himself trembling in Harry’s arms, blinding fear curling in his stomach.

 

“I’m so sorry Lou. I didn’t think, I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry, let’s just get back to the flat yeah? Hey, it’s okay, you’re going to be fine, it’s okay,” Harry whispered in his ear, rubbing his back and Louis buried his face in Harry’s shirt, closing his eyes tightly. Harry didn’t kiss him again, just half carried him back to the flat and laid him down on the bed. Louis blinked at him, apologies in the tip of his tongue, but then remembered Harry had kissed him where everyone could see.

 

Harry smiled sadly at him, helping him out of his cloths and Louis curled up into a ball. He listened to Harry going through his evening routine. And when the lights finally turned off and Louis waited for the bed to dip, it never came. Harry patted out of the bedroom and Louis slowly sat up. It was dark in the room, the only light came from outside and the flat was deadly silent. Louis waited for Harry, but he never came back to the bedroom and Louis felt betrayed.

 

 _  
_ *

 

Louis woke up the next morning, warm and trapped under something heavy. He stared at the ceiling for a long time and sat up eventually. Harry had sneaked into the bedroom sometime after Louis had fallen asleep.

 

His phone beeped on the bedside table and Louis scrambled to pick it up before Harry woke up, but in the process pushed the younger male off of him and shaking the bed. Harry grumbled incoherently and Louis glanced at him, unlocking his phone.

 

_lou! Harry told us hes in france with you , how are you doing ?when’ll you be back?? Have you kissed yet?_

Louis grimaced at Stan’s text, not really knowing what to answer. He felt Harry sit up behind him and he dropped the phone in his lap. Harry placed his hand on Louis’ shoulder and squeezed gently.

 

“Are you okay?” he questioned in a whispered and Louis nodded jerkily.

 

“I’m good yeah.”

 

Harry kissed his bare shoulder, tracing a pattern with his warm lips. Louis stayed very still, concentrating on the gently feeling of Harry’s touch. The younger man pulled him back towards him, cuddling him against his chest.

 

“I’m sorry about what happened last night,” Harry mumbled, his lips never leaving Louis skin. Louis relaxed into the touch, squirming just a bit to get comfortable and turned his head to face Harry.

 

“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have caused such scene, I just freaked. I got scared, nothing new,” Louis said with a laugh and Harry tightened his hold on him. That was familiar, Harry used to do that a lot, like he felt protective over his older friend. It was nice, Louis needed that sometimes.

 

“No, don’t say it like that. I should have known, I knew you wouldn’t like that, but. I took my chance and well, I’m sorry. I’ve wanted to do that for so long.”

 

Louis exhaled sharply, pushing out of Harry’s strong hold and sitting opposite of him.

 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” he snapped, flinching away from Harry when he reached out again. Harry scowled.

 

“When should I have done that, huh? You weren’t talking to me!”

 

“Well, maybe you should have thought about that before dropping me like trash. You picked Liam over me when it was most convenient for you,” Louis said, his voice unwavering and Harry’s expression shifted. His green eyes turned a light shade of grey in the pale sunlight streaming in through the window.

 

“That’s not – I never wanted it to happen like this! I just. I got scared too, okay? You terrify me, because you’re the first person I’ve actually like since forever and. I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Harry said. He sounded desperate and insecure.

 

“Yeah? Well, maybe you should have been honest,” Louis growled. And suddenly he started to doubt his own judgment on the matter. Maybe Perrie and Zayn had been right, maybe he shouldn’t have given Harry the cold shoulder and he sure as hell hadn’t had the right to miss Harry like he had.

 

“You’re right, I should’ve told you. I’m sorry, Louis, please,” Harry begged, reaching out to touch Louis and this time, Louis let him. Harry’s hand felt warm on his cheek, his thumbs stroking his cheekbone. “Can I please kiss you? I’ve loved kissing you last night and. Just, please?”

 

Louis swallowed, nodding jerkily and Harry leaned in, not giving him room to pull back. Their lips touched not as gently as the first time, this time there was more heat, more strength and Louis let out a quiet moan. Harry seemed to want more then, pulling Louis back so he was laying on him, chests touching and Louis was forced to keep himself up with his hands next to Harry’s shoulders.

 

Harry touched his cheeks, letting his hands slide down to his neck, over his shoulders and settling on his back, pressing closer. Louis’ arms started to shake with the effort to hold himself up and he grinded down on his friend on instinct. Harry hitched out a moan, pushing back and taking up a rhythm before flipping them over and kissing lower, his lips attaching to Louis’ neck and sucking hard. Louis choked out short bursts of breath, pushing back into Harry’s rhythm and sliding his free hands under Harry’s shirt. His skin damp with sweat, muscle jumping under his touch and Harry’s warm breath ghosted over his skin with every thrust.

 

“Can you please, please touch me now?” Harry asked, his hard cock poking against Louis’ hip and fuck. A breathy moan rolled off his lips. Of course Louis wanted to touch him, but he couldn’t get his hands to co-operate. They touched him everywhere, but never dipped into his shorts. Harry groaned suddenly, stopping all movement and Louis felt Harry’s cock jerk and something warm and wet seeped through his shorts.

 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Louis blurted out, exhaling loudly and Harry moved down, his hands tugging down Louis’ shorts and briefs, mouthing at the skin there. Louis’ vision flashed white, his fingers burying in Harry’s too long curls and tugging gently to encourage him to go on.

 

Harry’s lips kissed down his length, circling the head at last and Louis choked out a breath. His lips were warm and tight and unfamiliar, but so good. He sucked and licked, his tongue pressing against the underside of Louis’ cock and Louis bucked his hips up. Harry didn’t let up though, just sucked harder, placing his hands on Louis hips to control Louis’ rhythm.

 

“So good Haz, so good. Love your lips,” Louis croaked out, moaning and breathing hard. Harry swallowed around his cock and Louis felt the familiar burn at the base of his spine, building and he was so close. His hands tugged at Harry’s curls, warning him and Harry swallowed him deeper, coaxing.

 

Louis’ hips stuttered, his cock jerking and his vision blurred. He was sweating and Harry was swallowing and pulling off. Louis blinked at the ceiling, savouring the feeling of Harry’s hands on his skin.

 

“How was that?” Harry asked, his voice hoarse and Louis focused on him, smiling. His lips were all swollen and red, shining with salvia and probably Louis’ cum. Louis choked out a laugh.

 

“You’re amazing,” Louis said, sitting up and pulling Harry closer and kissing him happily. “You’re fucking amazing.”

 

***

 

“Lou, did you get the bottles of water?” Harry yelled from the bedroom and Louis rolled his eyes.

 

“Yes! Everything is packed H! What are you still doing in there?” Louis shouted back, putting the bag with food and drinks next to the door. He walked towards the bedroom and looked around the corner. Harry was still cleaning the bathroom and he looked so in his element, walking around with his hair tied back, just like that first day. Louis smiled, leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed.

 

“I believe it’s as clean as it can get now, babe,” Louis said with a laugh and Harry looked up, grinning.

 

“Yeah? What if we missed a spot, they’ll know,” Harry grinned, tugging Louis into the en suite and kissed him gently. Louis rolled his eyes.

 

“It’s clean, come on. Let’s just go, I wanna go home, yeah?” Louis smiled, kissing Harry again and leading him out of the bathroom. Harry followed him willingly, picking up their luggage, while Louis checked if all the windows were closed, the cat had been fed and picked up the keys.

 

Ten minutes later Louis was on his way back to London with Harry driving, his warm hand on his knee. Louis drifted off to sleep before they even reached the border into Luxembourg.

 

*

 

Louis noticed two things when he opened his eyes, drifting up from his slumber. One, his bladder was positively throbbing. Two, they weren’t moving.

 

“Why aren’t we moving?” he asked, his voice high and he cleared his throat. Harry startled, glancing sideways and smiling. He picked up Louis’ hand and kissed his knuckles.

 

“Traffic. Been an accident up ahead. Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah, yeah. Fine,” Louis mumbled distractedly, bouncing his legs. Harry reached over to make the older man look at him. Louis looked up, not really looking at Harry and biting his lip. His bladder was screaming at him, his legs trembling with the effort to keep them together.

 

“Are you in pain? Lou, what’s going on?” Harry asked, glancing around, checking if they were still not moving. Louis closed his eyes in defeat, he knew he had to tell Harry, he was not going to make it out of this traffic dry.

 

“I have to pee really bad,” he whispered so quietly that he had a hard time hearing himself. Harry tapped his cheek and Louis cleared his throat. He pressed his hands between his legs, trapping his cock between his hand and his thigh. He repeated the words louder.

 

Harry exhaled. “Oh, Lou, I’m so sorry. I can’t do anything now, we’re stuck here for at least another half an hour." Louis choked on his breath and doubled forward.

 

“I can’t hold it for another hour. Fuck. I’m going to pee my pants. Jesus,” Louis whimpered and Harry made a distressed noise. Louis closed his eyes again, squeezing his cock and trying to breath slowly.

 

“Hold on,” Harry said, stroking Louis’ face shortly and getting out of the car. Louis focused too hard on holding it that he didn’t hear Harry open his side of the car. He jumped when he felt a hand on his arm, a long spurt escaping through his grip. He moaned, straining his muscles.

 

“What the fuck, Harry?” Louis hissed, looking up and eying Harry holding three towels and a spare pair of jeans. Harry exhaled and motioned for Louis to hold himself up a bit. Louis took a deep breath, praying he could wait just another minute.

 

“You can just let go, yeah? We’ll clean it up when we get moving again and find a gas station.”

 

“Okay,” Louis breathed sitting down on the towels. Harry kissed him quickly and Louis grabbed his curls. “Keep kissing me, please.”

 

And Harry did, standing outside the car, shielding Louis from prying eyes, while the older man soaked his jeans and the towels. Louis sighed into Harry mouth, who smiled into the kiss.

 

When the hissing sound tapered off, Harry leaned back, stroking Louis’ cheek and whipping away a stray tear. “It’s okay, love. It happens. I don’t love you any less,” he whispered and Louis watched him with wide eyes.

 

“I just peed my pants,” Louis whispered. Harry smiled gently.

 

“I know. Hey, tell you what, I have to pee now too and you looked really hot all desperate,” Harry murmured and Louis blinked surprised. He felt far from hot, except from where he was still sitting in his own puddle of piss. Yuck.

 

“Get in the car then, seems like we’re starting to move again.” Louis nodded at the cars in front of them and Harry looked up. He inhaled sharply and walked over to the other side of the car. And now that Harry had mentioned it, Louis watched him squirm discreetly. Harry clenched his fists, jumbled his leg and shifted his hips every few minutes.

 

Louis’ rapidly drying jeans made him shiver and finally the car was moving forward again. Harry was breathing hard now, shifting more and more and Louis reached out, grabbing his hand. He squeezed gently and Harry kissed Louis knuckles, keeping his hand near his mouth.

 

“Is it bad?” Louis asked and Harry nodded shortly.

 

“Not really bad, but bad enough. I’m pulling over at the next carpark okay?”

 

“Of course, babe. Gives me a chance to change too.”

 

Ten minutes later Harry stopped the car with a rough jerk, jumping out and stumbling to the bushes a few feet away. Louis watched him relieve himself and when Harry came back, he changed his jeans and they threw away the wet towels. Harry kissed him again, held him close and they went on their way again.

 

*

 

“So, how was it?” Perrie squealed at them, when they walked into Louis’ flat. Harry smirked, slapping Louis’ bum and walking on towards his bedroom. Louis blushed furiously and Perrie took his hand and led him into the kitchen.

 

“It was really great, we had fun. He uh. He told me he loves me and – I didn’t say it back? I think it was more like a “I love you as a really good friend” kind of I love you,” Louis admitted sitting down at the kitchen table and following the lines that had appeared there with time. Perrie caught his hand.

 

“Hey, it’s okay, you know. You don’t have to say it back when you’re not ready.”

 

“I know, but I do is the matter. I do love him, I was just so overwhelmed that. I just forgot to say it back for a bit but then. Then when I wanted to tell him it just wasn’t the right time and –” Louis stopped talking when he Perrie looked up over his shoulder. He felt a pair of hands on his shoulders, a solid weight.

 

“Is that. Are you serious Lou?” Harry asked, his voice low. Louis glanced at Perrie, who nodded and slipped out of the kitchen. He turned his head to look at Harry and swallowed.

 

“Yeah, of course, I wouldn’t lie about that and. You said it after I peed all over my car seat and that’s just. Of course I love you,” Louis breathed, a small smile playing on his lips and Harry smiled right back at him, dipping down to kiss him.

 

“Say it one more time?”

 

“I love you.”

 

Harry smiled, kissing him again and again, “I love you too.”

 

***  
  
“Ready?”

 

“Yeah, absolutely.”

 

Harry took his hand, kissed the inside of his wrist, right over the quotation marks. His lips were warm, soft, loving. Louis jingled the keys in his other hands and Harry snorted.

 

“Go on then, open the door,” Harry said, kissing the side of Louis’ head. Louis smiled, pushing the key in the lock and turned it slowly. The lock clicked and he pushed the door open. Warm light and the smell of window cleaner crept up on them. Harry squeezed his hand and stepped inside.

 

The whole house was clean, nicely furnished and light. So much sunlight, so much space. Louis tugged himself free of Harry grasp and twirled into the living room, then to the kitchen and open dining room. Louis laughed, running up the stairs towards their bedroom and the bathroom and the washroom and that one room Harry loved most of all.

 

“Haz! Come up stairs, look at the room!” Louis squealed happily and Harry ran up the stairs, taking the steps two at the time. He found Louis in the room next to their bedroom, standing in the middle of the space. He was glowing.

 

“Are you happy?”

 

“Very,” Louis said, stepping up to Harry and pulling him into a hug. “Very, very happy. And you know what?”

 

“Tell me,” Harry whispered, kissing Louis’ cheek. He pulled back slightly, studying Louis' face. Over time, there had formed gently lines on his face. His eyes were shining with love, crinkling in the corners. Harry wsa so overwhelmed with affection, his heart beating loudly in his chest. The man he loved so much had only gotten more handsome with time. Louis smiled up at him, blinding him.

 

“In two weeks, we’re going to be with three, instead of two,” Louis said, smiling so wide Harry was starting to worry if he’d ever stop smiling. He pressed his face into Louis’ shoulder.

 

“Two weeks and then we’ll have a baby H,” Louis added, his voice fond and he was looking around the room with so much love. Harry found it hard to believe. They’d been together for five years, been through so much. They’d fought and loved and cried together. Harry had asked Louis to marry him after two years of being together and Louis had said yes without a second thought.

 

They went to Hawaii for their honeymoon and talked about buying a house, having a family. And now, another three years later, it was finally happening. They both had steady jobs, Louis in teaching and Harry at the Royal London Hospital, as a heart surgeon. Both of them had talked to their families, about adopting and having a family. They got their blessings and called the adoption agency the same day.

 

Three months later they’d gotten another call and had their first meeting. There was a young girl from a small village in Wales who’d given up her baby for adoption. She was just seventeen years old, without her boyfriend to help her take care of the child and she’d chose them to adopt her baby girl.

 

“We’ll have a family Lou, we’re going to have a really great family.”

 

*

 

“There you are,” Zayn said, wrapping his arms around Perrie. Her stomach was huge, in a month there was going to be a mini Zayn running around and Harry looked up from his cooking to watch Louis walk into the dining room. Eleanor and Niall were already seated at the table, talking to Stan. The girl in Louis’ arms looked around the room with bright eyes.

 

Louis caught Harry’s eyes and winked at him. He handled the two month old girl with such gentle care, it made Harry’s heart ache a lot. He loved seeing his husband with their babygirl.

 

“So,” Jade said, stepping up next to Harry and placing her hand on his arms. “How does it feel to be a dad?”

 

“It feels amazing,” Harry laughed, stirring the pastasauce and looking over at Louis, who was talking to Stan and Eleanor with Jazzie in his arms. Jade patted his arm and went to sit with the rest of his friends and his heart felt a thousand times lighter.

 

He watched his friends laugh and eat, cooing over the little girl in Louis’ strong arms and he felt happy. He felt so much love and he smiled. He’d never thought this would be his life, not after everything he’d been through with and without Louis. And Louis saved him from himself and his old live.

 

“Hey, Haz, you okay?”

 

Harry blinked, looking own at Louis and smiling. “Hey, yeah, I’m great. I’m fantastic.”

 

“Okay good. I love you,” Louis said and kissed him tenderly. Harry beamed into the kiss, wrapping Louis up in his arms and cuddling him close. Yeah, Louis made him feel loved, safe. The older man knew, without words, how much Harry loved and cared for him too. They hadn’t needed words for that in years and it was okay, it was what they were best at.


End file.
